Below, support group peer leader Kaity chats with us about volunteering with RESOLVE and becoming a parent after dealing with infertility. Kaity is a Resolve group leader in the Midwest. Resolve is the National Infertility Association and one of its functions is to organize local infertility support groups. She and her husband tried to conceive for four years before finally welcoming their son via IVF in 2015.
Thank you for taking the time for this interview! How did you first hear about Resolve?
“I first heard of Resolve through a family member who was a group leader back in the early 2000s. I kept it in the back of my mind until I was in need of support several years later, and then I found the local group online.”
What was your experience attending the Resolve support group for the first time?
“It was a very welcoming environment and I immediately felt very safe and comfortable sharing my story within the group. Knowing that there were others going through similar experiences at the same time was a lifesaver. I wondered why I had waited so long to seek it out.”
What was beneficial to you about attending the monthly support group?
“It was such a great outlet for all the frustrations, stress, and heartache that go along with infertility. I always left a meeting feeling lighter and more hopeful.”
How did you become a Resolve leader? Was it a difficult decision?
“The current peer leader was getting ready to do an FET (frozen embryo transfer) and was hopeful that she would be “graduating” the group soon. (Resolve generally encouraged both leaders and members to leave the group when they are 12 weeks pregnant). The leader asked if another member and I would be interested in taking over the group. It wasn’t a difficult decision at all. I think I took ten minutes to “think it over” before deciding it was something I wanted to do.”
What is a typical meeting like?
“A typical meeting is very informal. We meet at a local restaurant and set the tables up so we are in somewhat of a circle. We then take turns going around the table to share our stories. We can share as much or as little as we feel comfortable with that day. We also tell the group how we are feeling on a scale of 1-5, so everyone knows where we are at emotionally that day. During introduction everyone can also bring up any questions they have or things they want more information on. Once everyone is done checking-in, we have an open conversation about the various topics or questions that are on people’s minds. We always close the group with something lighthearted, like a little game or silly question unrelated to infertility. It helps us to all hopefully leave on a positive note.”
What is the most challenging thing about facilitating a peer-led Resolve support group?
“The women that attend the meetings become a part of you. You celebrate in their happiness and you take their sad news incredibly hard. Watching a fellow group member go through hardship can be really painful. You get to know them and they become your friends and you just want everything to work out in their favor and if it doesn’t that can really take a toll.”
What is the most rewarding?
“When someone graduates the group it is so wonderful. We get so happy and excited for all that is to come for these women who have waited too long for their family to grow. We truly want everyone to “graduate!” Also, having someone thank you for leading the group or give you a compliment on how well you’re facilitating also feels really great.”
Some people might be concerned about confidentiality; how do you handle that?
“We go over the rules of the group at every meeting and stress that confidentiality is of utmost importance. Before someone new starts the group I let her know that that is our number one rule before she even comes to the meeting. If trust is broken, the group would have a really hard time coming back from it. We also tell the group that a good way to let others know how we know one another outside of the group is to just say “through a mutual friend.” That way they are prepared with a quick answer should the need arise.”
What would you say to someone who is considering attending a local support group?
“Try it out! It may be intimidating the first time, as it is probably out of your comfort zone and the thought of opening yourself up on such a sensitive subject can be scary. Just know that you can participate as much or as little as you like at your first meeting. Then, you can decide if the group was for you or not. If it’s not, that’s OK and you aren’t under any obligation to go back. But, if you have a positive experience then you have this amazing new resource at your disposal. Also, don’t be afraid to ask questions before you attend so you can prepare yourself for what’s in store.”
Are you an intended parent looking for support in your quest toward parenthood? Visit the Resolve website to find a support group near you.