Some intended parents (IPs) and surrogates (GCs) have no preference for where the other party is located so long as it is a good match, meaning everyone shares the same goals for the journey. The ease of communication and travel in a long-distance match may be plenty for establishing a warm, trusting relationship. However, a close, local match with frequent in-person visits may be more important for others.
The Benefits of Being Local
One thing our clients mention when requesting a local (within driving distance) match is being able to attend medical appointments together. For both IPs and GCs, being able to attend medical appointments together can be meaningful. IPs are able to see the baby belly grow in person and connect with the medical providers that are caring for their surrogate during pregnancy. For the surrogate, having her IPs nearby likely means she won’t have to travel far (if at all) for medical screening and embryo transfer. As surrogacy journeys require a lot of time in the life a surrogate, minimizing travel can be beneficial for GCs with time constraints from work or family.
The Downside of Proximity
Although not common, a risk that comes with being in close proximity in a surrogacy match is failing to draw good boundaries. IPs and GCs can both benefit from having time and space away from the details of their journey, and too much involvement can create tension between the parties.
Enjoying Long-Distance
Many of our matches are in different states, and we have even had the opportunity to match some of our GCs with international IPs through collaboration with special agencies. While it is certainly not a vacation, some GCs enjoy taking a break from their typical schedules to travel to the fertility clinic for clearance and transfer. Furthermore, many feel especially helpful in being able to build families for IPs in states or countries that are not favorable for surrogacy. With modern technology, long-distance matches are still able to connect regularly through email, messaging, and video calls. Some obstetric providers will even allow IPs to be a part of medical visits through video!
The Disadvantages of Being Apart
Unfortunately, travel for the surrogate and the IPs means more expense. If the IPs would like to visit the surrogate during a pregnancy milestone, such as the anatomy scan around 20 weeks, it will come at an additional cost in an already expensive undertaking. Travel for the IPs to make it to delivery can be especially difficult, as a long-term stay will likely be needed in order to be able to attend the birth and get legal documents completed. On top of the technicalities, waiting for IPs to make it on time to the delivery can be quite nerve-wracking for everyone!
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There are pros and cons to each arrangement, but considering the details above can help make it clear what will work best for you. Think about what your personality is like, and if you tend to benefit from close contact or prefer privacy and space. Are you able to maneuver travel and different means of communication? What is most important to you in the way your journey will progress?
While there are no right or wrong answers, it is important to know where you stand so that Heartland Surrogacy can help make the most appropriate match!