One of the phrases we hear most commonly in a surrogacy journey is “hurry up and wait.” The hurry part can happen during the application process, when both sides are anxious to start after deciding to start a surrogacy journey. During the transfer portion, scheduling can at times happen quickly and sometimes parties have to be flexible with a short timeline.
On the other hand, there can also be periods of waiting, and these can be trying. During the screening, we sometimes have to wait for a surrogate’s medical records to be submitted. If we don’t have surrogates and intended parents that would be a good fit for each other, the matching period can also cause waiting. Despite the possibility of hurrying, the transfer process may also involve a wait for the timing of egg retrieval and embryo transfer cycles, additional testing, or even delays caused by failed transfers.
Regardless of the reason, stalls in the journey can be frustrating for everyone involved. Below are 5 things that can help during the waiting period.
1. Examine and accept your emotions.
You may be experiencing any number of feelings during this time: sadness, frustration, fear, or even relief. Naming your feelings can take away the mysterious nature that can make them overwhelming at times. Allow yourself to feel what you feel about your situation without judgement. Doing so will provide you with the distance you need from those emotions to move forward.
2. Work on another step in your journey, if you can.
Depending on where you are on your journey when things are put on hold, there may be other items you can work on in the meantime. If you are unsure about what you could be doing, reach out to your agency! Since some to-dos in your journey can be completed out of order, you may be able to keep the ball rolling in another way.
3. Stay connected to your agency and your match.
Your agency should continue to be in contact with you, even during a lull. As always, you should feel free to reach out to them with any questions or concerns. If a delay occurs after you’re matched, we also strongly encourage continued communication with your surrogate or intended parents. It is likely that they too are having similar feelings, and maintaining your connection can help keep the focus on moving forward. Delays are not uncommon in surrogacy journeys, and it is possible that a stall could repeat itself further down the road. Forge your bond by going through these times together.
4. Distract yourself.
Often, distraction can provide the distance from a problem that you need in order to approach it later with greater calm. Instead of focusing on the things you cannot change, work on projects in your career or family life that can fulfill the need to progress. You can gain a sense of control in this way. Focusing on another project can also make you feel like time is passing more quickly.
5. Do something nice for yourself.
At Heartland Surrogacy, we value self-care. While we always encourage our surrogates, intended parents, and staff to practice self-care, difficult situations such as a delayed journey are an especially important time to do so. As you’re interested and able to, do something nice for yourself as a sign of gratitude for the strength you are exercising in riding this wave. It can be anything from a tasty treat to an afternoon doing your favorite hobby.