Medical clearance is one of the first big hurdles after a match. Continue reading to find out more about Surrogate Beth and Intended Father Nick’s experience.
Adventures in Extreme Babysitting is a surrogacy blog series compiled by Heartland Surrogacy. In this series, we follow the journey of Intended Father Nick* and Surrogate Beth*. They share their thoughts and feelings at various milestones in their surrogacy journey.
Nick, what were your thoughts/feelings when you found out there was a chance B wouldn’t be cleared?
The day Beth went in for her medical clearance at the fertility clinic, we both had no reason to be concerned. Everything had been going smoothly thus far in our journey. The appointment was early in the day, so I figured I’d get results mid-morning. As the afternoon started coming and I had not heard anything, I starting to wonder…what was taking so long?
Then the fertility doctor called me to let me know medical clearance was not issued. Beth’s sonohysterography could not be completed due to her uterus not expanding; it likely indicated her uterus is not eligible for surrogacy. My heart sank. I asked the doctor many questions but after our conversation, I didn’t hear anything that made me feel better. I hung up the call thinking that I was going to need a new surrogate. It felt like our journey suddenly hit a wall, but I absolutely did not want to give up on Beth.
After a while, I called the clinic back and they clarified that Beth’s sono didn’t actually yield any results on the health of her uterus. The test simply could not be completed; the doctor couldn’t visualize the uterus, which meant there could be an underlying issue, but there was no certainty. After several emails and phone calls, Beth and I agreed to move forward with a more expensive hysteroscopy test to get an actual visualization and a firm answer on the health of her uterus. We were going to stick this out together and see where it led us.
Unfortunately, the doctor later got additional test results that Beth’s bilirubin levels were unexpectedly elevated as well. She let us know that before a hysteroscopy could be completed, Beth would need to get medical clearance from a GI and liver specialist. Beth and I were disappointed and frustrated at this additional roadblock, but we reaffirmed we were not going to give up on our match.
What did you think when you found out Beth was cleared?
Unfortunately, making an appointment with a specialist in her small town was not easy and we had to wait over 4 weeks. We were at a standstill until then. I’ll tell you, those weeks dragged horribly. Thankfully, Beth and I stayed in contact during the waiting period and got to know each other better. We also developed a great friendship with a nurse at the fertility clinic that supported us wholeheartedly. This made the waiting easier.
Finally, Beth was cleared by the specialist! We immediately scheduled a hysteroscopy for 2 weeks later, and things were moving forward. We were both hopeful that this was all going to work out.
The day of the hysteroscopy was extremely nerve-racking. Our journey completely weighed on the outcome of this procedure. Beth had to be sedated for it, which I didn’t like, but she reassured me she was okay with it. The appointment was early in the morning and the wait for results was unexpectedly short. It wasn’t even mid-morning when the fertility doctor called me. Because I was at work, my doctor quickly told me that Beth’s uterus was “beautiful” and she was cleared to be my surrogate! I was ecstatic! I could hear in the doctor’s voice that she was so happy for me. She said Beth was still waking up from sedation and would know the news shortly. The phone call probably lasted about 20 seconds, but it was one of the best I’ve ever had. And so, the journey continues!
Beth, what were your thoughts and feelings when you found out there was a chance you wouldn’t be cleared?
Since I had been through the surrogacy process before, I was expecting to walk out of the clinic with the go-ahead to move forward. I was surprised to find out that we’d need to do additional tests – a special ultrasound using a lighted tube, done under general anesthesia – and I was disappointed that I might be wasting Nick’s time and money. At the end of the day, this entire journey is about helping him build his family, and I hated to feel like I was letting him down.
The clinic was a few hours from my house and the drive home felt like it took forever! I exchanged emails and texts with Nick and Heartland Surrogacy during my drive as we discussed what the next steps would be.
A few days later, when I found I would need to get additional clearance from a specialist near me before we could do the hysteroscopy at the fertility clinic, I felt pretty defeated. Thankfully, I received great support from the clinic and Heartland Surrogacy and Nick was never anything but encouraging. We eventually got the necessary appointments scheduled and it felt good to have a plan to continue moving forward.
What did you think when you found out were cleared?
Honestly, I was still coming out of the anesthesia when I found out! My husband handed me my phone and I had a celebratory text from Nick – his Bitmoji saying “Woot!” – and in my groggy state, I couldn’t figure out what it meant 🙂 Then a nurse told me that everything looked great and I was too sleepy to ask many follow-up questions, but I do remember saying, “So we’re good to go?” She said yes and told me that someone would be in touch with the next steps.
When I realized I was cleared to move forward, I was super relieved and happy to be able to continue this journey with Nick. The drive home didn’t seem to take nearly as long after this trip!
You can read more about Beth and Nick’s incredible journey in other segments of this series.
*Names have been changed to protect privacy.