preparing For the Arrival of your Baby

Surrogacy requires an immense amount of preparation, even long before your surrogate is pregnant.  Now, how can you prepare for the arrival of your baby?

Intended Parent Involvement

Transitioning into parenthood after a surrogacy journey begins with your involvement in the pregnancy. Like in non-surrogacy pregnancies, your relationship with your child can begin in utero. When you follow along with prenatal appointments, pictures, and communication with your surrogate, you build a connection to your developing baby that can naturally continue into parenthood.

Support for Your Journey

Celebrating with family and friends at a baby shower is a common way to prepare for a new child. Your community can contribute gifts through a baby registry but may also provide items that they have found useful as parents. Your guest may also share parenting advice and recommendations for family resources (books, childcare, activities, etc.).

When setting expectations of what your transition may look like, we suggest you connect with others who have become parents through surrogacy. As a Heartland intended parent, you can reach out to us for an introduction if you don’t already know of someone with surrogacy experience. There are also social media avenues through which you can meet other surrogacy parents.

Surrogacy Birth

Before the birth of your baby, your attorney will guide you in obtaining the legal paperwork needed before the birth and after. Become familiar with the terms of these forms and pack copies (including a copy of your Gestational Surrogate Agreement, GCA) in your hospital bag.

Around the middle of the pregnancy, you will want to form a birth plan with your surrogate.  Our clients receive a worksheet specific to surrogacy that you can fill out together. The birth plan should outline your and your surrogate’s preferences for labor, birth, postpartum, and newborn care. While there are no guarantees that these preferences will be accommodated (as you’ve probably already learned in your journey, unpredictability is a constant!), the exercise is helpful in outlining the needs and wants of each party and contingency plans.

You will want to discuss with your surrogate details such as her labor preferences and who she wants in the room when she gives birth. Discuss who will care for your newborn and make medical decisions in your place if you are not able to attend the birth. Be sure to be specific regarding who will hold the child immediately after the birth, if the baby will room with the surrogate or be cared for in the hospital nursery, and whether the baby will be fed formula and/or breast milk.

Travel Accommodations

If you are not local to the area where your surrogate is planning to give birth, you should also begin to arrange travel around the middle of pregnancy. Many parents avoid higher costs by scheduling flights ahead of time. We recommend selecting flights with no or minimal change fees just in case there is a need. Even if purchasing a flight last minute is an option for you, you will want to plan where flights will be purchased and who will arrange for them. If required, inform your employer of the dates you expect to be away.

Unless there is a scheduled C-section or induction, there will be a lot of uncertainty about when your baby will be born. For this reason, many intended parents choose to arrive early, anywhere between a month and two weeks, depending on the situation. Babies tend to come when they want to, so it’s best to be prepared! For longer stays, extended-stay hotels or vacation homes can decrease costs for the parents. Having a kitchen and other amenities may be especially helpful with a newborn while you wait to go home.

Intended Parent Hospital Bag

As mentioned above, we recommend carrying an extra copy of your GCA in your hospital bag. You will also want to have insurance information handy, such as your ID number and the company’s phone number. Insurance companies will cover expenses retroactively once you add your baby to the plan, but it is good to have this information just in case.

Along with typical newborn necessities (clothing, feeding supplies, diapers, and a car seat), you may need additional supplies if you are not local to the area. Hotels often have cribs available, but if you would rather carry your own or are staying somewhere that doesn’t have them, many travel cribs are light and compact.  

Choose A Pediatrician

Choosing a pediatrician for your baby is an important, and often personal, decision. When looking at pediatricians, consider the following factors:

• Insurance coverage
• Proximity to work and/or home
• Experience
• Support of your family’s lifestyle and health goals

Your baby will first be seen by the pediatrician at the hospital. You will then inform your chosen pediatrician of the birth and set up the baby’s first appointment with them.

Plans For Your Surrogate

Are you planning on sharing a commemorative token of the birth or journey with your surrogate? Plan ahead for this because once your baby arrives, your mind will be elsewhere! If you would like to give her a card, write it out ahead of time. You can always add more later, but this way you have an opportunity to relay some of your thoughts. If you are planning on a gift, we recommend purchasing it ahead of time.

New Parent Support

Two important factors for success as new parents include logistical and emotional support. The newborn stage, as in much of parenthood, can be a combination of highs and lows, joy and frustration, confidence and bewilderment. You will need to have someone who can provide moral support during those times. A close friend, postpartum doula, relative, or therapist can be a great sounding board and guide.

The reality is, that even after working so hard to have your baby, there will still be difficult moments. To expect otherwise would place an undue hardship on yourself. Whether facing fertility obstacles or not, having a baby changes one’s life and can create mixed emotions.

Logistical support can take many forms. Some new parents like to have the new grandparents help during the newborn stage. Other close family members/friends with baby experience may also be available to help. Support services such as food delivery and housekeeping reduce the burden of household management on the new parents. For newborn care, a postpartum doula can assist with areas such as feeding, sleeping patterns, and mental health of the parents.

• • • • •

Like in your surrogacy journey, your life with your new baby will likely start with some surprises and unknowns. Preparing what you can ahead of time can alleviate stress and leave you ready to focus on your new family. As always, lean on your support system (including us!) and set yourself up for success.