Surrogacy Stories is a blog series compiled by Heartland Surrogacy. In this series we will bring you personal perspectives on surrogacy from a variety of people: surrogates, intended parents, and the professionals who have been lucky enough to work with them. Our cofounder Monica Villa chatted recently with Heartland surrogate Sarah, who is 36 weeks pregnant and carrying a baby for a gay couple in New York. The intended fathers are keeping the sex and name of the baby a surprise until delivery.
Hi Sarah! Can you start by telling us about choosing to be a surrogate? How did you decide this was the right path for you?
It’s always been something that I’ve wanted to do. But we weren’t done having kids until recently, so I was egg donor instead. Then my husband and I sat down and had a serious talk about it. I told him what it would mean to me to be able to do it, and he was supportive.
Where did you get information on becoming a surrogate?
Aside from all the emails with you, Brie, and Blakely, there is nowhere in particular I’ve looked for information. I’m part of a general surrogacy group on Facebook for surrogates and intended parents, but I’m not very involved.
Why did you choose to go through an agency instead of private arrangement?
Honestly, I didn’t know anything about independent matching before coming to the agency. We didn’t know anyone who need it. And I’m glad I am working with an agency. You guys have been a HUGE support.
Have there been any surprising moments in your journey, or anything major you didn’t expect?
It really has gone like expected, although I don’t know if before I really knew what to expect. But I really couldn’t hope for better. There have been no trying moments, even during the contract stage. Everything has gone as smoothly as I could hope for.
Have you met any other gestational carriers?
I have not met with any in person, but now that we have the [private HS surrogate group], I feel comfortable reaching out to others. It’s nice to have that community, with all the surrogates being semi-local. Even if we don’t get to meet in person, it’s nice just knowing that they’re nearby.
Can you tell me a bit about your relationship with the intended parents?
Really, we talk almost daily. We’ve really gotten to be like family. Mostly we text, but we’ve also had a few FaceTime conversations.
How do you feel about the distance between you and the IPs?
It hasn’t impacted the journey at all. They might as well be my neighbors. It’s nice that they have connections in the Midwest because they will be able to be here early and stay after the delivery.
Tell me about the community that has supported you.
My husband, obviously, has been the biggest support. But really, everyone that I work with has been so supportive. They are always checking in with me to see how I’m doing.
Have you experienced any funny/surprising moments during your journey?
My coworker the other day noticed my big container of Tums (because Tums and I are close friends right now!) and she said, “I can’t wait to meet the baby!” So then I had to explain that she wouldn’t be meeting the baby because it wasn’t mine. The conversation was fine after but she was really surprised when I first said it wasn’t mine!
Also, my husband has definitely made the “it’s not mine” joke!
How has this pregnancy been different physically and/or emotionally?
Morning sickness! I had none with either of my boys. With this pregnancy, I had it from day 1 to 18 weeks, then it started a couple days ago again. But in the beginning, it was all day long, and right now it’s only in the evening. But this has still been so worth it.
Do you think you would want to be a surrogate again?
I would prefer a sibling journey, but yes, I would love to do it again regardless.
What would you say has been the best part of your journey?
The new relationships we’ve made I feel are going to be lifelong. I have an incredible relationship with my IPs. Other than getting to enjoy being pregnant, I’d say the best has been all of the wonderful people we’ve gotten to meet and bond with.
Do you have any words of advice for women interested in becoming surrogates?
Yes. What I say most frequently is make sure you really research beforehand. It is not a quick process like many people think. Here I am at almost at 2 years! Don’t underestimate the amount of time and everything else that goes into a journey.
Thanks for sharing your story with us, Sarah! We wish you the best in the last few weeks of your pregnancy!