Support Groups for Intended Parents: How Community Helps
How connection, shared experience, and emotional support can help intended parents feel understood and supported
The path to parenthood can be emotionally complex. For many intended parents facing infertility (in any of its many forms), feelings may range from hope to uncertainty to grief. Some aspects of infertility are deeply personal and unique, which can make this experience feel isolating. While guidance from fertility professionals is essential, there is often a deeper sense of understanding that comes from connecting with someone who is walking a similar path.
Support groups, available in a variety of formats, can offer intended parents a safe and understanding space to share their experiences. They can be a valuable resource for those who may not have others in their lives who fully understand their dreams and obstacles. Below, we share insights from a peer leader whose experience highlights the role community can play, along with broader guidance on how support groups can help intended parents at every stage of the journey.
What Support Groups Offer Intended Parents
Support groups can take many forms. They may be in person or virtual, meet on a regular schedule, or follow an open format where members share as things come up, such as in online or social media–based groups. Some groups are peer-led and composed of individuals navigating similar experiences, creating a collaborative and open environment. When overseen by organizations or medical providers, support groups often have a designated leader who helps facilitate conversation and shares additional resources when needed.
Peer support can be especially validating for intended parents (IPs) navigating the emotional ups and downs that often accompany infertility. Hearing one’s own emotions reflected by others can help alleviate feelings of shame, whether self-imposed or influenced by societal expectations. Listening to the stories of other IPs can also help normalize the uncertainty of the journey. Many people begin the path to parenthood with a clear picture of how things will unfold and how long it will take. When that picture changes, or when progress looks different from one person to the next, it can feel overwhelming.
There is also a significant amount of waiting involved when facing infertility, even once medical treatment, surrogacy, and/or adoption are underway. Support groups provide a community to lean on during periods that can feel deeply isolating. Because infertility-related challenges and uncertainty can extend over long periods of time, emotional impacts such as anxiety or depression may surface even after becoming parents. Infertility can also place strain on relationships. Having an ongoing community of peers offers a place to return for understanding and support whenever it’s needed.
Community Support in Practice
Support group peer leader Kaity chatted with us about volunteering with RESOLVE and becoming a parent after dealing with infertility. RESOLVE is the National Infertility Association and one of its functions is to organize local infertility support groups. She and her husband tried to conceive for four years before finally welcoming their son via IVF in 2015.
Kaity, how did you first hear about RESOLVE?
I first heard of RESOLVE through a family member who was a group leader back in the early 2000s. I kept it in the back of my mind until I was in need of support several years later, and then I found the local group online.
What was your experience attending the RESOLVE support group for the first time?
It was a very welcoming environment and I immediately felt very safe and comfortable sharing my story within the group. Knowing that there were others going through similar experiences at the same time was a lifesaver. I wondered why I had waited so long to seek it out.
What was beneficial to you about attending the monthly support group?
It was such a great outlet for all the frustrations, stress, and heartache that go along with infertility. I always left a meeting feeling lighter and more hopeful.
How did you become a RESOLVE leader? Was it a difficult decision?
The current peer leader was getting ready to do an FET (frozen embryo transfer) and was hopeful that she would be “graduating” the group soon. (RESOLVE generally encourages both leaders and members to leave the group when they are 12 weeks pregnant). The leader asked if another member and I would be interested in taking over the group. It wasn’t a difficult decision at all. I think I took ten minutes to “think it over” before deciding it was something I wanted to do.
What is a typical meeting like?
A typical meeting is very informal. We meet at a local restaurant and set the tables up so we are in somewhat of a circle. We then take turns going around the table to share our stories. We can share as much or as little as we feel comfortable with that day. We also tell the group how we are feeling on a scale of 1-5, so everyone knows where we are at emotionally that day. During introduction everyone can also bring up any questions they have or things they want more information on. Once everyone is done checking-in, we have an open conversation about the various topics or questions that are on people’s minds. We always close the group with something lighthearted, like a little game or silly question unrelated to infertility. It helps us to all hopefully leave on a positive note.
What is the most challenging thing about facilitating a peer-led RESOLVE support group?
The women that attend the meetings become a part of you. You celebrate in their happiness and you take their sad news incredibly hard. Watching a fellow group member go through hardship can be really painful. You get to know them and they become your friends and you just want everything to work out in their favor and if it doesn’t that can really take a toll.
What is the most rewarding?
When someone graduates the group it is so wonderful. We get so happy and excited for all that is to come for these women who have waited too long for their family to grow. We truly want everyone to “graduate!” Also, having someone thank you for leading the group or give you a compliment on how well you’re facilitating also feels really great.
Some people might be concerned about confidentiality; how do you handle that?
We go over the rules of the group at every meeting and stress that confidentiality is of utmost importance. Before someone new starts the group I let her know that that is our number one rule before she even comes to the meeting. If trust is broken, the group would have a really hard time coming back from it. We also tell the group that a good way to let others know how we know one another outside of the group is to just say “through a mutual friend.” That way they are prepared with a quick answer should the need arise.
What would you say to someone who is considering attending a local support group?
Try it out! It may be intimidating the first time, as it is probably out of your comfort zone and the thought of opening yourself up on such a sensitive subject can be scary. Just know that you can participate as much or as little as you like at your first meeting. Then, you can decide if the group was for you or not. If it’s not, that’s OK and you aren’t under any obligation to go back. But, if you have a positive experience then you have this amazing new resource at your disposal. Also, don’t be afraid to ask questions before you attend so you can prepare yourself for what’s in store.
Types of Support Groups Available to Intended Parents
Support groups for IP(s) can look very different from one another, and finding the right fit often depends on where someone is in their journey and what kind of support feels most helpful. Peer-led groups often feel informal, with space for shared storytelling and mutual understanding. Others are professionally facilitated or overseen by organizations or medical providers, which can offer additional structure or research-based guidance. Neither approach is inherently better; they simply serve different needs.
The format of a support group can also shape the experience. Virtual support groups allow people to connect regardless of location and can be especially helpful for IP(s) who live far from larger communities or who prefer the flexibility of joining from home. In-person groups, when available, may offer a different sense of connection through shared physical space and face-to-face interaction.
Groups can also differ in focus. Some are broad and centered on family building in general, while others are more specific. There are groups geared toward navigating certain medical diagnoses, IVF, adoption, surrogacy, or parenthood after infertility. Exploring different formats and focuses can help IP(s) find a space that feels supportive and relevant to their own experience.
How to Find the Right Support Group
For IP(s) exploring a support group for the first time, it can be helpful to approach the process with curiosity and an open mind. Gathering information ahead of time about how a group operates, such as how often it meets, whether participation is expected or optional, and how conversations are facilitated, can help set expectations. Many groups allow people to listen quietly at first, which can be a comfortable way to ease into participation.
A supportive group often feels respectful, inclusive, and validating. Members should feel heard rather than judged, with space for a wide range of emotions and experiences. Even among people facing infertility, there may be many different situations represented, including complicated diagnoses, secondary infertility, LGBTQ+ family building, advanced parental age, and/or surrogacy.
It’s also important to remember that not every group will be the right fit. Needs can change over time, and it’s okay to step away from a group that no longer feels supportive or to try more than one before finding the right community. Support is meant to serve intended parents, not add another obligation. The right group can offer reassurance, connection, and understanding when it’s needed most.
Support Group Resources
The resources below are a starting point for IPs who may be interested in exploring peer support options, whether in person or online.
AllPaths Family Building: Free virtual peer support groups that support individuals and families across many different family-building paths.
ASRM’s Mental Health Professional Group (MHPG): Support groups facilitated by MHPG members, with virtual and some in-person options depending on location.
Family Equality: A biweekly virtual peer space for LGBTQ+ people trying to conceive/build families.
Fertility for Colored Girls: Education, awareness, support, and encouragement for African American women, couples, and other people of color experiencing infertility.
Jewish Fertility Foundation: City-based chapters in select metro areas that often offer both in-person and virtual support groups, with availability varying by location.
Postpartum Support International (PSI): Free online peer support meetings, including a group focused on fertility challenges and reproductive mental health.
RESOLVE Online Support Community: A moderated online community that offers ongoing connection and peer support between meetings.
RESOLVE Support Group Directory: A nationwide directory of infertility support groups, including both in-person and virtual options.
Common Questions About Support Groups
Many intended parents also have questions about what support groups are like and how they work. The answers below may help.
What are support groups for intended parents?
Support groups bring together people navigating similar family-building experiences. They offer a space to share stories, ask questions, and receive emotional support from others who understand the unique challenges of infertility. Many intended parents also join support groups to build connection, gain perspective, and feel less alone, even when things are going well.
When is a good time to join a support group?
The right time will depend on individual needs and circumstances. Some intended parents join support groups early in their journey, while others seek support during matching, pregnancy, or after birth. Many find value in joining whenever the experience begins to feel intense or isolating.
What happens in a typical support group meeting?
This can vary based on the organization and whether the group is peer-led or professionally facilitated. Most meetings include open conversation, shared experiences, and some level of guided discussion. Some groups follow a loose structure, while others are more informal.
How do I know if a support group is a good fit?
A good fit feels respectful, inclusive, and supportive. Members should feel heard and validated. It’s okay to try more than one group, ask questions beforehand, or step away if a group doesn’t meet your needs.
You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
Peer connection during the surrogacy journey can complement the support provided by our agency and other professionals. Seeking connection is a strength, and for some intended parents, support groups become an important source of community. For others, personal relationships and/or individual professional support offer what they need. What matters most is having a space to feel seen and heard. No matter where someone is in their journey, they deserve care, understanding, and community in whatever form feels right for them.
