In this post, read about Nick’s*(Intended Father) and Beth’s*(Gestational Surrogate) experiences with the anatomy scan during their surrogacy journey.
Adventures in Extreme Babysitting is a surrogacy blog series compiled by Heartland Surrogacy. In this series, we follow the journey of Intended Father Nick* and Surrogate Beth*. They share their thoughts and feelings at various milestones in their surrogacy journey.
Nick, what were your thoughts and feelings before and after the 20-week ultrasound?
I was able to meet Beth’s OB at the 16-week appointment. Her OB is so warm and caring, and I told Beth I hope she delivers the baby. We once again got to hear a strong, healthy heartbeat via doppler and the doctor even pointed out some extra noises that was the baby moving around! I was also happy to hear that Beth’s first trimester symptoms were improving. After the appointment, I treated Beth to a decent-sized tin of mixed chocolates to satisfy my hidden agenda of enabling her baby bump (mostly kidding!) Now we had the big wait until the 20-week anatomy ultrasound.
During the wait I found even more (or all?) of my energy and daily thoughts were devoted to my baby, wondering how he is doing and if all is well with Beth. But with all the nerves, I’ve managed to find a happy medium having realized all I can do is check-in with Beth at times and enjoy the weekly pictures. I also was able to record a few books for him to listen to via headphones (Belly Buds) – Beth’s amazing idea. Honestly, our connection really has been enough to keep me patient and confident that she and the baby are doing just fine.
When the 20-week appointment arrived, my biggest concern was his health – if he had all of his fingers and toes, if his spine was growing normally, and if he had all of his organs accounted for. I Googled a few times too many about concerns that can arise at the anatomical scan. I mostly found other worried parents’ stories that all ended up fine, but I did come across a few unfortunate situations. I tried to stay positive and have faith that he was growing just as strong and healthy as he had been in all the past appointments.
The day of the appointment, I gave Beth some chocolate treats and a couple treats for her family. I could tell we were both a bit nervous about the scan, or maybe I was just nervous enough for both of us! In addition, we had a tour of the hospital maternity wing scheduled for after this appointment. That was exciting, but I also thought, “Do we cancel the tour if this appointment doesn’t go well?” I shook that thought out of my mind and kept it together.
After Beth had her weight and other details noted down, we went right into the ultrasound scan room. My feelings took such an immediate 180 degree turn that I almost got emotional whiplash. The ultrasound technician was amazing. She immediately showed us a full image of my little guy – my emotions went from anxious to a speechless ecstatic. He had grown so much. I could see everything on him. His head and face stood out the most, then his spine looked so perfectly formed, a plump lil belly, and his wriggling arms and legs. Then I asked, “Is he sucking his thumb?” And he was – or at least trying to! All my anxiety went away as Beth, the tech, and I just watched the monitor and chatted. He was perfect!
At one point, I immediately knew what I was seeing and blurted out, “Is that a butt shot?” We all knew then that the 99% accurate pre-implantation genetic testing was accurate – a boy for sure. That gave me a good laugh, especially when the technician tagged the ultrasound picture with ‘<- It’s a boy!’
The remainder of the appointment continued to go smoothly. The OB stated everything was looking great. Once done, Beth and I went through the tour and that just felt like the cherry on top of an amazing appointment. It was surreal to be walking in the hospital hallway, seeing which room my baby would be born in, where I would be holding him, where family and visitors would be waiting…there are still a lot of weeks left to go but seeing how amazing Beth and the baby were doing at the appointment, I now only have excited anticipation that is growing as each week passes.
Beth, tell us about your experience with the anatomy scan.
Attending the 20-week anatomy scan was an exciting milestone in my own pregnancies and it continues to be one of my favorite experiences with my surrogacy journeys. With this little guy, we had seen him last at 9 weeks and I knew how much he had grown and changed since then. I was happy that Nick was able to join me, so that he’d be able to enjoy the entire experience.
I knew that Nick was a little bit nervous about the small chance that something would be wrong. I did my best to reassure him that with the genetic testing he’d had done, the chances of finding a problem were pretty slim. I also recommended that he stop Googling J Even so, I think he and I breathed a collective sigh of relief when those first images popped up on the screen and we could see baby moving around and his heart beating away. As the ultrasound went on, we had further confirmation that everything was looking good and baby boy was looking healthy. We got to see him sucking his thumb and were able to confidently confirm that he was, indeed, a boy!
After the appointment, we were able to walk over to the hospital together. I could show Nick where the maternity floor was located and a nurse was able to show us a couple rooms and explain the process for best case scenario – which room I would be in and which room Nick and baby would get after the birth. Then the two of us sat down at the hospital coffee shop and discussed our ideal birth plan. It was a good chance to talk about things in person and get it all down on paper – as well as figure out what we still needed to figure out!
Although a lot of his friends and family already knew, after the appointment, Nick made the official pregnancy announcement on Facebook. I made it Facebook official as well, which was good, because there was no hiding my baby bump under baggy clothes anymore! Getting to share with the world, and hearing the congratulations from everyone, was a great end to an already exciting day. Now we just had to wait another 20 weeks or so…
You can read more about Beth and Nick’s incredible journey in other segments of this series.
*Names have been changed to protect privacy.